Today is not the day

My last entry was about hoping that each day gets better.

Apparently today is not the day for change.

I didn't think karma worked so fast and maybe this has nothing to do with that, but everything is falling at once. I'm so frustrated...

My thoughts aren't even coherent enough to write about but here goes:

I want to go back to being happy.

I want men to leave me alone. Men that I don't want, those that I do. I just need a timeout from them all. They cloud my thoughts.

I need him to understand that I need him more now than ever before.

I want to be sure my feelings are my feelings and not some hormonal mixup or circumstantial developed bond. I can't say for sure I know how to go about determining that.

I'm realizing more and more that the world just does not care. Like, people really do not care about anyone.

I've been trying to escape for the past few months. Various methods, all with the same result - a short trip away followed by a long ride home to a place called reality. I cannot run from life. I have to allow it to happen to me and deal the best way I know how.

He's a good man for somebody, just not me. He's a beautiful distraction, but I can't devote him my true attention.

It's 3 pm and I have no clue if I'm leaving the bed today. It's one of those days.