Gravity

After viewing Sex and the City: The Movie, tonight I realized that there is a word I have not been allowing operation or application of in my life.

It stops me from moving forward in a lot of things.

Its kept me questioning myself. Wondering if I am a terrible, selfish being.

Its kept me from loving fully, consistently punishing people for others mistakes.

Its kept people in my life at a standstill, not knowing where they stand in my life, in my heart.

its kept me from praying and fostering a relationship with a Higher Power. Partially because it's hard for me to fathom anyone or anything doing so freely what I struggle tremendously with doing.

Its a major part of life that I've been missing out on.

Forgiveness.

I have consistently done what is human, made mistakes. Time and time again. But where others are able to move on, I have wallowed in self depreciation and hatred. I have spent time harming myself, physically and mentally because I've believed in punishment moreso than I have healing.

I've pushed people who only wanted to be closer to me away because I've refused to let go of hurts from others. I've refused to move past wounds that should have long been healed because I've kept revisiting them. Rehashing memories in my mind, telling myself that no one can be trusted because some cannot.

I've hurt those who've deeply hurt me, causing them to believe I hate them, when really I hate what they did to me. I've left them in eternal limbo, with them knowing that forgiveness exist but not realizing that in my world is has not.

I've lacked understanding of a Savior who forgives all if only repentance is shown because I've refused to pardon those who've sincerely apologized to me.

I've neglected to live fully and freely because I've been bound by resentment.

Realization is just Step 1.

I've decided to shake free of the gravity of resentment and fly high on the wings of forgiveness. (~India Arie)